Out Of The Shadow

This trip was so unplanned.  At least by me.  Everyone in my family didn’t approve about my coming to this specific country.  Even my friends warned me that I may not be able to survive out here where there is no freedom.  Saudi Arabia has had this notorious reputation for cutting off heads of anyone who fails to obey their rules.  I must say they all know me.

I have always been a nonconformist.  I would always be a devil’s advocate.  At times, I was considered a rebel.  Had I lived in the Spanish Era, I would have been called this term for non-believers who would always question teachings.  That term though escapes me at this moment.  But yes, I am known to be that, too, especially in school when Catechism was taught.  I would throw a lot of questions that would pester the class at times and challenge the teacher as well.  But I sincerely wanted answers.  I just feel that there is more that I should know.

Not that I feel like I am a genius who does not get satisfied with shallow discussions hence I philosophize.  Nope.  My education inculcated in me this hunger for growth.  My teachers have always seen my potentials for reaching farther than just ordinary tertiary level education.  As I come from a very reputable Spanish exclusive school whose products have shone in different fields of endeavor.  We are the cream of the crop.  And beauty and brains is an ordinary experience.  Yet, in spite of all that, I remained lost somewhere.  Especially when the topic is about religion.

Should my siblings read about this, they must surely be confused.  My brothers are products of Jesuit education.  Another devout sect.  Strongly Christian.  Our parents sent all of us to the best schools in the country.  Alhamdulillah.  I know our parents wanted to secure us also spiritually that we were sent to Catholic, not just Christian, schools.  Because our schools must reflect the culture that we lived with at home.

At home, we pray the rosary.  Since I am a first born, I was taught very well early in my childhood about how to pray and to lead prayers like how old Spanish families are.  I memorized the Litany, responses to prayers, novenas, and even responses and the course at the Mass.    Yet on my own, I had a very personal relationship with my God that I have kept all this time to myself because I know had others known, they would think I’m all nuts.

My family and friends love me.  Alhamdulillah.  They all know me.  I have grown with them.  They know that I can be so strange at times with my ways.  Inshaallah,  when I break the news to them about my “homecoming”, they will understand that the strange ways headed to a better direction, if not the best.

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